4th April 2020

Alice had always found llamas to be rather confusing creatures, almost impossible to tell boy from girl at any distance they also tended to say very little and mean even less. The fashion by which this particular model managed to grip the crochet hooks so dexterously betwixt its toes was truly remarkable.

“You shop is wonderous to behold.”

A casual opening remark but one that was true in every degree. The question of whether an Andean camelid might ever be a successful mason was of course mute.

“I try to please, my dear child.”

Alice was beginning to find being called dear and child is quite so many different combinations rather wearing upon her patience.

“I am nearly thirteen twelve years old!”

The llama seemed unperturbed by this rather mathematical factoid, indeed simply began to cast on a further row to the ever-growing blanket.

“I only use the very finest alpaca wool you know. Keeps any cria perfectly warm and cozy on a cold mountain night.”

The llama’s eyes were extremely large and doleful, appearing even more so by way of the thick horn-rimmed spectacles perched on the tip of its nose.

“Do you crochet?”

Alice nodded absentmindedly. Her attention had been diverted by a perusal of the shops quite mysterious floor to ceiling display shelves, containing every sort of strange oddment that any haberdashers might. One shelf alone held as many different sorts of scissor as was possible to imagine.

“Strange how scissors in multiple are singular, but singular scissors are plural…”

The llama was not inclined to argue semantics.

“A truly shear delight, of almost gossamer delicacy.”

The shelf above the scissor was overloaded with threads of all kind.

“Could you winch me in a dance? That would be truly clever.”

 The weight of the reality was almost too much property for Alice completely own at once.

“The thread would be much more desirable if sorted by color.”

“You really are such a clever child; I might have to make you my assistant.”

It began to occur to Alice that the actions and words taking shape had far more to do with her vivid imagination that any sensible reality. As if to confirm her suspicions both shop and llama began to spin at quite an alarming rate.

“Do please be careful, you nearly made me fall.”

Alice’s giddiness came to a sudden stop as she connected headfirst with the base of a very carefully pointed red brick wall.

“The soldiers only just managed to perch me back in place from my last escapade.”

Brushing sand and red brick dust from her pinafore Alice struggled back to her feet.

“You do seem rather queer.”

The rather splendid egg addressing her so concernedly was perched atop the wall, complete with arms and legs and a highly fashionable shirt made from the finest purple serge, with accompanying golden waistcoat and white lace ruff.

“Good day.”

Was the most acknowledgement a very startled Alice could manage.

“better now I would judge. Do you often head butt walls? A fellow with a fragile shell likes to know this sort of stuff!”

Alice had never received commiserations from a breakfast before. This strange new land was full of the most novel experiences.

“With my apologies to you, sirrah, but with gratitude to your wall for stopping my forward propulsion quite so effectively.”

The egg eyed Alice quizzically for what seemed at least a fifty seconds, then quite suddenly toppled backwards to disappear from sight.

“Are you well, sir?”

“I have been better, but thankfully no obvious seepage.”

The eggs reply was muffled almost to nothing by the coarse grain of the wall.

“Can I be of any assistance?”

Alice balanced on tiptoe as high as she could but still had no sight of the fallen but apparently not broken ovaloid.


The battle cry was accompanied by the martial sound of drums and fifes being played with far too much gay abandon. Soon enough a whole regiment of red coated fusiliers appeared from every direction.

“Get Dumpty back on his feet there laddie’s!”

The sergeant major has a definite scots drawl.

“Heave ho Humpty old chap. Lets get you back on lookout like you supposed to be. The Queen’s birthday parade is due in but a few moments.”

  With soldierly efficiency Humpty Dumpty was soon back atop the wall once more.

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