9th September 2021

When I feel under the weather, not quite myself, I am in the habit of taking myself out of circulation, of disappearing into my own private but controllable world. I am not a good patient, I am not patient in any sense of the word, have no time for pain to interfere with my existence, cept of course unfortunately on occasion it do!

My mood becomes one of desiring familiarity, needing everything to be about me, my recovery, my comfort, time for additional pressures and problems is just not easily available, momentarily convenient. Do this show an insufferable degree of selfishness, most certainly, hence my insistent on being insular, subjective, concentrated, focused, hiding my most intimate human moments away from prying eyes. The opposite I have always felt to be exhibitionist, a mentality that surprisingly does not conform with my better nature.

In dire need I turn to my friends, those I trust, whose motives are beyond question. Such a step for me is extreme, and means more than could easily be stated.

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